To Thine Own Self Be True
by dS-Tiff
Summary: With just hours to go until opening night, Jack is missing and Geoffrey is desperate.


_This is only my second attempt at a Slings and Arrows 'missing scene' fic. I hope you enjoy it. All comments welcome. Thank you kindly._

 **To Thine Own Self Be True**

"Kate…Kate…KATE!"

Kate spun round at the voice of her director. Geoffrey Tennant still scared her, even after all these weeks, but it was a good kind of scared. The kind that inspired her, the kind that brought out the best in her performance and god knows since she'd been thrust into the role of Ophelia she'd been acting her socks off. She'd never felt anything like it. Part of that was due to Jack, she realised, but most of it was down to Geoffrey.

And maybe she had a teeny tiny crush on him too…under all that crazy hair and the scruffy clothes was a very good looking man with a warm heart. The kind of man Kate had always dreamed of growing old with…but perhaps one who was a little less insane.

"Kate, where is he?" Geoffrey grasped her by the shoulders, causing her to stagger backwards.

"Who?"

"Jack, for fuck's sake!" yelled Geoffrey.

Kate gasped at his outburst. "I…I…I don't know," she stammered in a quiet voice.

"Oh come on, we all know about you two!" exclaimed Geoffrey. "Now where the fuck is he?"

Kate swallowed hard. She didn't know where Jack was, she had no idea. She wished with all her heart that she did, but he'd disappeared without saying a word to her, or anyone else and her heart was breaking.

Geoffrey released her shoulders and closed his eyes as he fought hard to stay in control of his emotions. They'd come this far, overcome so many obstacles to get to opening night and right when Geoffrey had dared to believe that they might actually pull this off, Jack Crew, Hollywood superstar and the star of his Hamlet had gone missing.

He let out a long, slow breath and opened his eyes. A small, apologetic smile flickered at the corners of his mouth. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice much calmer. He glanced over his shoulder at Frank and Cyril who were leaning against the wall, pretending to study their scripts, but quite clearly eavesdropping.

 _You'd think actors with their experience would be better at pretending…_

Geoffrey reached out to Kate again, this time placing a gentle hand on her arm and leading her away from their unwanted audience. He felt a pang of guilt as Kate tensed at his touch.

"I promise you, I don't know where he is," said Kate when they were safely out of earshot.

"I didn't mean to yell," replied Geoffrey. "It's just…well, it's opening night…of course you know that." He ran his hand through his unkempt hair as his mind raced. "Try to think, did he say anything to you at all last night?"

"Me? Um…" Kate felt her cheeks flush red as she realised he knew. Geoffrey knew all about her and Jack. They'd thought they were being discreet. Not hiding their relationship exactly, they weren't ashamed, but they had been careful not to be overly tactile during rehearsals in case it made anyone else feel awkward. They both knew that it was common for romance to blossom between actors in the same company, but theirs was different. Kate had dated other actors before, but none of those relationships ever lasted more than a few dinner dates and maybe a drunken night or two in bed. It was different with Jack. Kate felt a connection with him that was deeper than anything she'd ever experienced before. That's why she'd been so unsure about rushing into sex.

God, she'd wanted to tear his clothes off at the first opportunity and maybe a couple of years ago she would have done, but then what? With Jack she'd wanted to wait. Just a little while. Not because she wasn't sure, but because she wanted it to have meaning. Then once their first time was out of the way there'd been no stopping them. Like last night…how could Jack have made her feel so special last night and then just walked out of her life this morning?

"It's OK, I'm happy for you and Jack," smiled Geoffrey. "Don't be shy. I don't want to know what position you favour, I just want to know where he is."

Kate looked away, unable to hide her embarrassment. "I didn't have a clue he was going to do this," she said, her voice barely a whisper. She turned back to Geoffrey. "I had no idea anything was wrong. If I had I would have tried to talk him out of it. He left my place at about four thirty in the morning, I think and I just assumed he'd gone home to sleep. I said I'd see him later…he kissed me and…" Suddenly her eyes filled with tears.

"Look, Kate, I don't have a clue when it comes to relationships," began Geoffrey as Kate wiped her eyes on the back of her hand. "I mean, the only woman I ever loved fucked a gay man and broke my heart…and my mind…" he trailed off and looked down at the floor, sighing sadly.

"Oh Geoffrey, do you have to be so crude?"

Geoffrey's eyes snapped wide open and he spun round to see the ghost of Oliver Welles standing with his arms folded tightly across his chest.

"Go away," spat Geoffrey through gritted teeth.

"OK, I'm sorry…" Kate turned to leave.

"No, not you!" exclaimed Geoffrey, pulling her back by the hand. "Ignore me, I'm mad…or I was once. So I talk to myself," he added with a grin.

Kate smiled nervously.

"What I was trying to ask you was if you could think of any places Jack may have gone," continued Geoffrey. "Special places, you know?"

Kate shrugged. "New Burbage is a small town," she said. "We've pretty much explored it all. He could be anywhere."

"Come on, think," urged Geoffrey. "The first restaurant you went to…the place you first kissed…the place you first got stoned together." Geoffrey laughed at Kate's shocked face. "The eyes give it away," he explained, waving his hand in front of his own face.

"I…I'm not an addict or anything," said Kate earnestly. "It's just, you know, recreational. And we'd never come to work stoned, I promise."

Geoffrey laughed at her sincerity. "Don't worry, he's a movie star, they're all at it in LA," he said dismissively.

"Just as long as he doesn't end up as front page news when they carry him out of some godawful nightclub in a body-bag," sneered Oliver.

Geoffrey glared at him.

"I should go and search for Jack," said Kate suddenly. "I can think of a few places, I'll try those first."

"Thank you," smiled Geoffrey. "If we don't find him then…well…I guess you know what that means for the Hamlet and for all of us." He paused as he thought about what Richard was going to say. "We're all in the shit," he said bluntly.

Kate nodded. "Can I just say," she began. "Even if we don't get to open…even if this really is it…it has been an honour working with you."

Now it was Geoffrey's turn to look embarrassed.

"Oh please," Oliver rolled his eyes as he spoke.

"Thank you for giving me the opportunity," added Kate.

"Well, I think you have to thank the lizard for that," noted Geoffrey. "Although if we'd have got as far as opening night with Claire playing Ophelia I think I would have been the one running away."

Kate laughed then her face fell. "What if he doesn't want to come back?" she asked. "What if I find him, but I can't talk him round?"

Geoffrey rubbed his hand over his face. "Just get him here," he said. "I'll talk to him."

"You might as well just buy him a plane ticket," noted Oliver dryly.

Geoffrey ignored him.

Kate smiled. "Thank you," she said.

"Jack is a good actor," said Geoffrey. "But this experience has opened his mind to so many possibilities and it's scared the shit out of him."

Kate nodded. "I've spent half my life on the stage," she said. "I know how it feels, I know what it does to you and I know how to deal with that…at least, I'm learning to, but Jack…I've never seen anyone react the way he has before."

"It's because he's feeling it for the first time," Geoffrey tried to explain. "And you don't get that playing dumb action heroes in front of a green screen."

"I love that feeling," smiled Kate. "It's better than…"

"Sex?" noted Geoffrey with a twinkle in his eye.

Kate nodded and blushed.

"You two have a connection," continued Geoffrey. "I understand how that feels. The theatre does that to you. Jack may be a newcomer, but it's never too late in my book. Now go find him and bring me my Hamlet."

Kate smiled a determined smile and ran out of the theatre.

"He's probably already dead."

"For the love of god, will you shut up!" Geoffrey waved his hands in the air in despair.

"I'm just trying to prepare you for the worst," noted Oliver.

"Well don't," snapped Geoffrey. "I don't want to think about the worst right now, or I might just throw myself into another open grave."

"It's ironic, when you think about it," continued Oliver.

"What is?" frowned Geoffrey.

"Well, Hamlet sent you mad, ruined your career all those years ago," Oliver began to explain. "And now here we are, your directorial debut at the Festival and you've sent your Hamlet the same way."

"Jack has not had a breakdown," insisted Geoffrey. "He's just had a…a wobble, that's all. First night nerves. Happens to the best of us, you of all people should know that."

"A wobble?" repeated Oliver. "Hmmm, well if that's what you want to believe."

"Yes," insisted Geoffrey. "Yes, it is."

"You should have let me do this," continued Oliver.

"Do what?"

"Direct the Hamlet," replied Oliver.

"You're dead!" exclaimed Geoffrey. "In case it has escaped your notice, you were directing the Hamlet, but then you got yourself killed by a fucking pig truck! If you hadn't been so stupid I wouldn't be in this mess. I would still be happily broke and, probably, homeless by now."

"Oh you would have loved that," sneered Oliver sarcastically. "Sleeping in doorways with rats and…and urine."

"Rats and urine?" repeated Geoffrey in disbelief. "What are you talking about?"

"It doesn't matter," Oliver waved his hand dismissively. "Anyway, you should be thinking about what you're going to say to Richard. He's going to fire you, you do realise that, don't you?"

"Good," replied Geoffrey. He turned away from Oliver and started walking towards the exit.

"You don't mean that," Oliver called after him.

"Yes I do!" Geoffrey called back.

Oliver watched him go and shook his head sadly.

 _If only things had been different…if only I hadn't…with Ellen, of all people…what was I thinking?_

"Don't you dare make this all about you!"

Oliver's head snapped up in surprise. "I...I didn't say that out loud, did I?"

Geoffrey screwed his face up as he tried to make sense of it. "No you didn't," he admitted. Then his eyes widened in bemused acceptance. "But apparently I can hear your thoughts now."

"Oh dear," sighed Oliver. He slowly climbed the steps towards Geoffrey. "That could get...awkward."

"Believe me, I'm not exactly over the moon about it myself," replied Geoffrey. "My own thoughts are confusing enough already."

 _I really don't need this right now..._

Geoffrey sighed, then he remembered what Oliver had said...or rather, thought.

"Wait a minute, you don't honestly believe that what you did with Ellen was the catalyst for…for all of this?" said Geoffrey, waving his hands in the air wildly.

"Wasn't it?" asked Oliver with a shrug.

"No!" exclaimed Geoffrey. "I still have some capacity for rational thought. I do still have some control over my own destiny."

"Except as of now your destiny is in the hands of a missing movie star," Oliver pointed out.

Geoffrey gritted his teeth and let out a frustrated growl. "Leave me alone!"

"I will," agreed Oliver. "Just as soon as you admit that your interest in Jack Crew is borne of something other than saving your career."

"I really have no idea what you're talking about," replied Geoffrey.

"Oh come on, Geoffrey," retorted Oliver. "You see something in him, as I said to you before. But it's not just his acting ability – and I do agree with you on that one, he has an old soul and he's wasted in La-La Land. No, you see something else in him…you. Or rather what you could have been, if you hadn't…you know." Oliver tapped the side of his head with his forefinger.

"What?" Geoffrey shook his head in disbelief. "I could never be a fucking movie star."

"That's not what I mean," Oliver replied. "Jack's young, good looking and he's in love with his beautiful leading lady. He has the potential to be one of the greats, if he can be persuaded to swap the smell of green dollar bills for the smell of greasepaint. And you think if you can get him on this stage tonight then you can save him and he can live his out his life the way you almost did. You had this in your grasp, Geoffrey and you lost it when you leapt into that grave. You want to make sure that Jack doesn't make your mistakes."

"My mistakes?" Geoffrey couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. "I wasn't the one who made a mistake! You made the mistake. You and Ellen. None of this is my fault."

"Oh dear it always has to come back to this, doesn't it," sighed Oliver.

"Yes, it does," agreed Geoffrey. Then he stopped and thought for a moment. "But you're right."

"I am?" Oliver was surprised.

"Yes, I am actually agreeing with you, for once," confirmed Geoffrey. "I think Jack has potential and I would hate to see him throw all of that away."

"Well then you'd better hope young Kate finds him," noted Oliver. "And then you'll just have to think of something inspirational to say to him, or there's no way he'll get back on that stage."

"Inspirational? Me?" Geoffrey started to panic. _I have to say something inspirational…?_

Oliver smiled. "I saw you talking to him the other day. He respects you. He'll listen to you. You can do this, Geoffrey."

Geoffrey slumped against the wall and chewed on the inside of his lip.

 _Maybe I can? Maybe I can save this Hamlet after all?_

He glanced at Oliver again and nodded.

 _I just hope Kate finds Jack before it's too late…_

"I have to go and find Ellen," he said and then turned and ran back to the exit door.

Oliver watched him go. "Of course you do…"

THE END.


End file.
